Can you spell the word RUN, three times fast? R U N, R U N, R U N. Are you in, are you in, are you in?
Last night I was talking to a young good looking woman. She asked me if I liked breasts or legs. I told her what I really liked was a shaved snatch. Apparently, I'm not welcome at KFC anymore.
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said poetically, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me lovely wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" Again John said poetically, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." " Oh! Mary choked clearly moved, that was very nice indeed, John!"
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Sven and Lars were aviation mechanics in St. Paul. One night there was a terrible storm and they were stranded at the airport. It was a Friday night and they missed drinking with their friends, and there was nothing to drink there. So Sven and Lars tried drinking some JET FUEL! The next morning they woke up with terrible hangovers. Sven couldn't find Lars so he called his cell phone and asked where he was. "'I'm at the airport. Where are you?" "I'm in Memphis. DON'T FART!"
 
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