A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked,"Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
The Tomato Garden
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son: Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m.
The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie
He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
He asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right," said the doctor.
He then began to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounts his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place!"
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: "Just a minute, I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite." "What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say 'bathroom' at the dinner table." "And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say 'Darling, may I be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very good friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner'." The teacher fainted.
 
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