If Apple made toasters... It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier. The toast would make a little smiley face at you when it popped up, or else it would get stuck and there would be a little picture of a bomb burned onto it. If they break, these toasters would require a special set of MacToaster Tools to even open up. Worldwide market share would only be 5%, but all the bread in school lunches would be exclusively toasted on the MacToaster.

A king wanted to change his name so he went to a name changer. The man asked, "What was your old name sir?" The king replied, "Sofa king"

Becky asked her brother Thomas why on the dinner table there was a fork and knife on the table for herself and him but none for their parents. Thomas replied, "Because our parents eat like horses."

Q: What does Santa Claus (monsters' Santa) say when he fly off into the night? A: Merry Christmas to all and to all a good fright!
 

A couple of blonde hunters are out in the woods when one of them suddenly falls down. She doesn't seem to be breathing, her eyes are rolled up. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and dials 911. She gasps to the operator, "I think my friend is dead! What shall I do?" The operator says in a calm soothing voice, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure she's dead."