One day a student was putting his school work in a secret compartment in his backpack. The boy next to him was curious and asked what the secret pocket was for. "Oh, it's the things I do when I get home", he replies. Then the boy asks, "Hey! That's a picture of my girlfriend!", the boy shouts. "Oh yeah, I've been doing her for a while."

How Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb? 

It just takes 2, but I sure would like to know how the Male got the Female in that lightbulb in the first place.

Timmy and Tommy were brothers who got arrested for smoking marijuana. The judge told the brothers they had 30 days to stop as many people as possible from smoking, so they go out and got started. 30 days later, the brothers return to court and the judge ask Timmy, "How many people have you stopped?" Timmy has 100!! The judge is amazed and asked Timmy 'How?'.

Timmy got some paper and a pen and drew 2 circles, one larger then the other and said I told them this is your brain on drugs pointing to the smaller circle, then pointing to the larger one said this is your brain off drugs.

So the judge let him go then asked Tommy, "How many people have you stop?" Tommy says, "1000!!" The judge is in shock and asked 'How'? Tommy also grabs a paper and draws 2 circles as well and said pointing to the smaller one, "This is your butthole before you go to jail and this is your butthole when you get out!!!"

This says it all...about getting older & the whole aging thing. An elderly couple are attending church services.. About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband. It says, "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?" He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Japanese scientist have created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed...