Traffic Court

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day. "What for?" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, "Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!" Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."

Bubba had shingles..

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.'

So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..'

So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?' Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

What do fat men and all women have in common? Neither one can see their private parts.

A women whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to scare him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him. "Who are you?" he asked. "I'm the Devil," she responded. 'Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."

Two blondes walking down the sidewalk when one of the blondes stops and picks up a compact mirror. After staring at it for a few minutes, the other blonde asks what she was doing. The first blonde said she was sure she knew the person in the mirror. The 2nd blonde looked at it then said, "Of course you know her. IT'S ME, DUMMY!'