3 men are camping in the woods. When one has to go pee. He walks about 10ft outside the campsite to pee. When off of a sudden, a rattlesnake jumps up and bites him on his dick. He screams. The 2 other men rush to him. They ask what happened. He tells them. So one of the man says ok, I will go to the ranger station to find out what to do.

He runs to the ranger station and asks what do you do if you get bit by a rattlesnake. Ranger says, "You must sterilize the area and rubs it clean. Then you must put your mouth of the snake bite and suck out the venom".

The guy thanks the ranger. So he runs back to the campsite. When he comes back, the snakebit man says, "So, what's going to happen?" "You're going to die!"

The teacher was asking her second grade students what their fathers did for a living. One little girl responds: "My daddy is a fireman." "Very nice", said the teacher, another little girl said: "My daddy is a policeman." "Oh, that is a very admirable job he has."

A little boy said: "My dad eats lite bulbs." The teacher ask the little boy why he thought his dad ate lite bulbs. The little boy stated, "Last night when I was walking past my parents bedroom, I heard my dad say to my mom - You shut the lite off, and I'll eat it!"

How come when a man talks dirty it's sexual harrassment and when a woman talks dirty it's $3.99 a minute?

Hollywood starlet warns a new arival, "Better be careful of these guys out here. The'll walk up and stick it to you." "That won't bother me," drawled the newcomer. "Back in Texas they stick in and then walk up to you."

Dear Tide,

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it since the beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

After a quick trip to the supermarket, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well, that some detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests were negative and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.

Sorry but I have to run, I have to write a Thank You to the Hefty Bag people.