Dirty Jokes are OFF On
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12/21/2012 from mark5.3

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?" she asked.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

11/22/2012 from Tomas5.8

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane......

The lady said to him: "Can you help me remove something from my breast please?"

The exciting young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?'

"Your Eyes, idiot!"

02/28/2013 from linda5.2

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"

The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"

The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."

06/11/2011 from c.partida5.8

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because He knows where all the bad girls live.

02/14/2013 from oops5.5

A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small, $6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.

'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'